The "H" word....Hysterectomy

You have to know that the word "Hysterectomy" makes me cringe! Maybe its cause I'm only 27 and that's something that I associate with women older than me. But that's what I will have done on January 24th, 2012! 

Yesterday we met with my surgeon who has been working very closely with my oncologist and they agreed that this would be the best course of action. My remaining ovary is growing quickly like the other one did. One option we had was just to remove the ovary but the surgeon told me that controlling my hormones with just a uterus is a nightmare and its easier to control them by having everything removed. After everything I have been through, easy sounds good to me!

The surgeon is going to try and use the Da Vinci Robot to do the surgery. Its better than laproscopic and the recovery time is cut way down! 1-3 weeks!!! It may not be possible to use the robot though because of scar tissue from my previous surgery, but he wont know until he gets in there. If he can't use the robot then he will go through the original incision and that's a 6-8 week recovery.

I have a mixture of emotions about this. I worry that I wont be considered a woman anymore, but Gary quickly squashed that by reminding me that I'm not having gender reassignment surgery, just getting some bad stuff out of me....so that worry is gone. I'm scared that I'm going to be one of those women who (after "H" words) have a mental breakdown and go nuts. 

The strongest emotion I am feeling though is one of finality. Even though it was a long shot, there is no way we can have a miracle baby or give fertility treatments another shot...my genetic line ends with me! I guess Gary's ends with me too. 

Please don't get me wrong we are very excited to adopt have a little family but the fact that I will never have "my own" stings a little more than I thought it would. 

I know that I will get used to the idea and be grateful for what has happened. Right now my emotions are very raw and hard to comprehend. 

  I am so blessed to have everything I do have, so I feel selfish for being sad about this. I know it will pass, I'm just having a hard time coming to terms with it. 

  Check out the video of the Da Vinci Surgical System its on the right side of the page and its pretty cool!

Dr appt update

This past week I had two Dr appointments... One with my surgeon and one with the oncologist. The first was with the surgeon, he did a physical exam and said it was normal...he is worried about my tumor marker levels (inhibin B), so he wants to go in and do an exploratory surgery to see if there is some cancer that the CT scans and MRI's haven't picked up. Also my liver function tests have been abnormal since the start of chemo, so he also wants to do a biopsy at the same time. But were putting off the surgery until we give a new medication some time to work. One of my other meds can cause liver abnormalities, so he switched it and were hoping that's what is causing the liver abnormalities. 

My appointment with the oncologist was a little better. She wasn't so quick to send me off to get cut open. She suspects that I could have some kind of chronic infection since my spleen is also abnormal (I was put together totally wrong, apparently). So they ran tests and hopefully I will learn some more before the end of next week. She also thinks that since I still have a functioning ovary, that's why my inhibin levels are still up, because ovaries make inhibin naturally. She has ordered more blood work at the end of November and a CT scan to see if there are any differences.....so were hoping for the best!!

It has been a little hard on me the last few days though, I feel like I can't move on. We would love to start the adoption process but I don't want too until they say "Hey your in remission!" so until that day comes I'm just waiting until the next Dr appointment....

I apologize that this post hasn't been the most cheerful, but I think all this is finally getting to me, I have tried so hard to stay positive through all of this. Its a lot to deal with.

 I will be back to my old self again soon...I have too! I hate being sad & worried all the time. 

Its depressing  ;0) 

Good news!

  After 2 MRI's we found out that there are not any tumors in my lower back (woo hoo!) the back pain is caused by a bulged disk (I got epidural cortisone injections to help with that) and that the spot on my spleen is a vascular abnormality (something else to worry about in the future). So no cancer on those!! We are waiting on the tumor markers test, I will get the results next week. Im gonna worry about those then, I just need to relax!

  Thank you to everyone for all of your wonderful thoughts and prayers, they mean so much to us. I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful support system, even after this long, you all are still here for me! Thank you!!

  Love you!!!

Reality

  Its been a while since I've blogged anything. Honestly, I needed a cancer break. After I finished my last cycle I didn't want anything having to do with my diagnosis & treatment. I still despise the scarves I have to wear every day just because I feel like I have "cancer patient" written across my forehead. I need to buy one that says "Cancer Survivor!", maybe that will make it easier? Actually, one that says "Survivor" will suffice, I hate the word "cancer".

  Through the last month (My last treatment was on Aug 23rd) I've come to realize that I need to come to grips with the fact that I do/did (more on that in a bit) have cancer, that I fought an awesome battle, and (hopefully) beat it. My friend at work made me get my pictures taken wearing one of my scarves (I was more than happy to skip this years faculty pictures) because I needed to be able to look back at this time. She is right (though the picture will stay buried in a photo album for years). I have a tendency to assume that if I don't think about something it will just go away and I hoped the same would happen with cancer.

  But my reality is that I am dealing with this and will be for a while. On Thursday I got a call from the Dr and she said that my tumor markers went up. It could be a fluke, it could be something to be worried about. Like the last 6 months....we need more tests to figure it out. On Friday I had a CT scan and I am waiting for the Dr to call me back with the results. I will have to go in for a repeat blood test and probably a physical exam with my surgeon {yay!}. With my cancer being so rare there isn't really one test to tell us if its back, it took a myriad of tests and guesses to figure out if I even needed chemo to begin with.

  I really hope I don't have to do another cycle of chemo or anything else, I'm so sick of being sick.

  I want my hair to grow back and I want to get on with my life...without cancer!


Update (about 20 minutes after writing this post): The Dr called and they are worried the cancer may be in my spleen now (or maybe its a totally different cancer, I didn't think to ask). They are also worried about my Sciatica cause that could be caused by tumors and there are changes in my abdominal wall...whatever that means. So Im now scheduled for two MRI's and my port wont be coming out this week. I hate to ask this...but WHY??

Whats been going on here...

After posting last night I realized I haven't posted since January! It's not that there hasn't been anything to say, but time and energy run low most days for me.

In January I had that awesome stomach flu...that was fun.

In February I had an ear infection, Sinus infection, Strep throat, Bronchitis, and I got diagnosed with Asthma...still kinda fun.

In March I went to my gyn for my annual and a 13cm cyst was found on my right ovary, they gave me birth control to see if the hormones would shrink it. After over a month and three other appointments it only got larger and more solid. I saw a different doctor who wanted to operate as soon as he got my blood work back and MRI back. Well, he did get all the stuff back, but now the "mass" is mostly solid and no longer a cyst. It has its own blood supply. It is 15 cm X 13 cm X 11.2 cm....not so much fun.

On Monday I have an appointment with an gynecological oncologist, my blood tests came back negative for cancer, but they say there is always a chance because it is changing so rapidly....this really sucks.

Soooo, this is where I'm at. 

My sweet Garbear has been doing what he can to make me feel better, but he is worried and it's taking his toll. He looks very stressed, so me sick + work stress isn't a good combination for him, but Im so thankful for him. 

Potato Gorditas

Growing up my Nana always made "gorditas" (I really don't know what to call them in English, Gorditas, means fat girls in Spanish) with left over mashed potatoes. I look forward to these every time I make mashed potatoes I really don't have a recipe since there is always a different amount of left over potatoes but here is the gist:

Around 4 cups left over mashed potatoes
1 cup - 2 cups shredded cheese
salt
pepper
Minced onions and/or chopped green chili (optional)

2 eggs
1 1/2 tbsp flour
oil for frying (optional)

Mix the 1st 5 ingredients together and form patties.

In a bowl scramble the egg then add the flour and mix well (it will be thick)

If you want then fry the patties in about a 1/4" - 1/2" of oil (this is the way Nana does it).

Since we are trying to eat better, I wanted to omit the frying step and try to bake them, to my surprise they came out great!!  Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and put the patties on there. Bake for 15 minutes and then turn the oven to broil and bake for another 5-10 minutes, keep checking on the gorditas so they don't burn! Take them out and enjoy!

Before I baked them. I used the cooling rack to try and make them crispier but the batter just dripped through, so I wont use it again.

Just out of the oven...and so yummy!

I can't remember who I said I would give this "recipe" too...so here it is for everyone to enjoy!

Bring out the hot-glue gun!

I have ALWAYS wanted someone to give me a mason jar filled with something, then topped with fabric and a ribbon...no such luck yet. So for my dear mom-in-laws birthday, I decided that she needed this lovely gift. I decided to fill the jar with homemade taco seasoning...but the fun part was making the top of the jar!

After about 4 sticks of glue, it was done (yes I said 4, and it's a small jar).

She hasn't received my creation yet (along with some glue-free gifts). But my hubby was supportive and when I showed him my creation he lavished me with the same praise that a 4 year old gets after making a macaroni frame.

I am still trying to figure out if that's a good or bad thing.

But I did make her some awesome taco seasoning and I made it mild, just for her, so hopefully she will ignore the strings of glue all over the jar  :0)

Onion Powder!

If you read the title you probably think I'm crazy, you wouldn't be that far off...

But the other day I had an onion that was about to spoil, and I didn't have anything planned for it, so I brought out the dehydrator and made onion powder!

The onions after they were dehydrated, it took about 5 hours on 145 degrees.

The onions in my itty-bitty food processor.

The finished product. I am guessing I got about 2 TBSP of onion powder from one onion, so I will never complain about the price of a bottle of onion powder again! But I really do like the taste of my onion powder over the bottled stuff, the one I made just tastes onion~ier.

I got the "recipe" from here

where are my teeth?

  On friday I took a tiny blue pill and Gary drove me to the dentist...to get my wisdom teeth taken out!! I had 3 left (one was taken out in HS). 2 of the 3 broke while being extracted, I also got a cleaning and a filling while I was sedated. I just have to tell anyone who will listen to my complaining, how much this hurts!
  I have tried to eat semi-soft food and failed, I am getting tired of protien shakes and applesauce. Hopefully I lost some lb's while on this insane diet. I think I have a dry socket in one of the incisions cause its the one side that wont stop throbbing!
  Anyway, thanks for listening to my whining :) Have a great day eating normal food...think of me.