The "H" word....Hysterectomy

You have to know that the word "Hysterectomy" makes me cringe! Maybe its cause I'm only 27 and that's something that I associate with women older than me. But that's what I will have done on January 24th, 2012! 

Yesterday we met with my surgeon who has been working very closely with my oncologist and they agreed that this would be the best course of action. My remaining ovary is growing quickly like the other one did. One option we had was just to remove the ovary but the surgeon told me that controlling my hormones with just a uterus is a nightmare and its easier to control them by having everything removed. After everything I have been through, easy sounds good to me!

The surgeon is going to try and use the Da Vinci Robot to do the surgery. Its better than laproscopic and the recovery time is cut way down! 1-3 weeks!!! It may not be possible to use the robot though because of scar tissue from my previous surgery, but he wont know until he gets in there. If he can't use the robot then he will go through the original incision and that's a 6-8 week recovery.

I have a mixture of emotions about this. I worry that I wont be considered a woman anymore, but Gary quickly squashed that by reminding me that I'm not having gender reassignment surgery, just getting some bad stuff out of me....so that worry is gone. I'm scared that I'm going to be one of those women who (after "H" words) have a mental breakdown and go nuts. 

The strongest emotion I am feeling though is one of finality. Even though it was a long shot, there is no way we can have a miracle baby or give fertility treatments another shot...my genetic line ends with me! I guess Gary's ends with me too. 

Please don't get me wrong we are very excited to adopt have a little family but the fact that I will never have "my own" stings a little more than I thought it would. 

I know that I will get used to the idea and be grateful for what has happened. Right now my emotions are very raw and hard to comprehend. 

  I am so blessed to have everything I do have, so I feel selfish for being sad about this. I know it will pass, I'm just having a hard time coming to terms with it. 

  Check out the video of the Da Vinci Surgical System its on the right side of the page and its pretty cool!

Happy 2011!



We hope that it is the best year that you ever have!

And that the next one is even better!!

Were looking forward to a lot this year and pray it will all work out.

A few things to celebrate in 2011:

We'll be married half a decade in August! 

I am finally going to decorate the house...I will!

I am going to graduate...it's 'bout time!

Gary is already doing great things with his woodworking and he has lots of projects planned!

And hopefully we'll get to go to Florida this summer!

and Im sure there will be many more things to come!!

Happy 2011!

Christmas time was here.....

Let me start by explaining why I was dreading Christmas so much:

My family in New Mexico always has a big dinner/get-together on Christmas Eve at my grandparents house.

Gary's family doesn't.

Christmas day everyone goes to my grandparents again to finish off the left overs and just hang out for a while.

Gary's family doesn't.

I always go day-after-Christmas shopping with my mom.

She was in New Mexico.

To top it all off, I kept imagining how different my house would be if we had two little feet running around trying to take ornaments off the tree and making general toddler trouble.

But he is with his family now.

OK, so now the good part!

I was determined to make Christmas Eve a little like Grandmas, so I put Tamales on the stove to cook. We also had cookies and sparkling grape juice!

My mom, knowing how upset I was, called to assure me that I wasn't missing much, and that most of the family had gone down to Grandmas for Thanksgiving (which I got to see!) so they were spending Christmas Eve with their other families.

Instead of seeing everyone in one house, Gary and I traveled to his families houses and visited a while with everybody.

1st we went to his sisters house. We visited with her and the kids, we also dropped off their gifts (I heard they were a hit on Christmas morning! (Yay Aunt Sam!!))

We went and visited Grandpa & Uncle Lee. Gary's cousins Ashlee (and Chase) & AJ were there, as well as his Aunt & Uncle. It was really nice seeing people we don't see very often.

Then we visited his mom & dad, who we see all the time, but it was still nice.

We came home and enjoyed our quasi-New Mexico Christmas Eve!

On Christmas Morning we exchanged gifts (Santa was good to us this year!!), got ready and went to Gary's dads house.

There was yummy food (and a delicious punch I need the recipe for), Gary's Sisters & Brother and all their kiddos. While we ate everyone laughed and had fun, then came the presents! Gary and I got some cool stuff along with stockings for the dogs (they are so spoiled by their Grandpa Grant).

While everyone was opening presents I got a little sad and teared up a bit at the fact that we were a family of two sitting in our little area, while every other little family there had at least four. Seeing all the kids unwrap their presents and show their parents, I kept wondering "what if?".

But I also realized that I am very blessed in my own right, I have a wonderful husband who sat with me through those tears and tried to cheer me up, he also made sure I was busy the rest of the day to keep my mind off stuff. My niece Abbi made my day when she only wanted Aunt Sam to fix her hair and shared her Dolly with me. Later in the day at Grandpas house, Gary's Aunt Gail made me laugh, I met his cousins Cody's wife, Janelle, and she is so nice! We had a great time visiting with them.

That night we came home to our cute little house, even though it was quiet, I did have two 4 legged kiddos waiting to give us lots of love.

So this has been a really long post about Christmas and how much I was dreading it, and how great it turned out to be...sorry so long! But it just goes to show you that sometimes you just have to give things/people/days a chance and you might be surprised!

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope it was fantastic!!

P.s. My birthday was great too!!

Our new SUV!

I keep wanting to call it a truck, but its not its a SUV!


And I drive it!



:0)

 Im so excited!
It's not brand new, but its new to me and thats all that matters


On Monday night we went to a Dodge dealership that [1st] totally ignored us [2nd] kept trying to push cars on us that we didn't want and kept telling us that we couldnt get the car we wanted for the monthly payment we wanted (they didnt know we were putting money down) so after being ignored and lied too (I called about a specific car, when we got there they gave us the run around as to where it was), we decided to give up. John Watson Chevrolet is on the way home and was having a sale so we decided to stop there. After telling the sales guy what we (I) wanted:


4X4
Low Miles
Fit 2 dogs and {one day} a kiddo or two


He showed us the trailblazers first, and we just kept walking cause we wern't crazy about the way they looked on the outside. After showing us an awesome Equinox and realizing it was out of our price range, I agreed to look at the Trailblazers the 1st one was an '08 and it was ok, but the 2nd one had dual control A/C! It was an '09 and had all the bells and whistles. After arguing with my practical side (the '08 had 2K less miles and cost 2K less thant the '09) we decided to take the newer one for a test drive. It was really fun and we decided to take it! I love love love the dual control ac/heater (that eliminates the argument that always happens on trips, I want cold, Gary wants warm), leather seats, and all kindsa cool stuff. Plus it meets all my requirements!
And it helped that we had an awesome non-pushy sales guy (but he also didnt ignore us).




P.S. to the dodge dealership...we ended up spending more than we planned on and still got the payment we wanted!!

2009 buh-bye!

2009 was full of ups and downs for us, thank goodness it was mostly ups!

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  We rang in the New Year at home, exhausted from a Christmas trip to New Mexico, then a work trip to Prescott, AZ for Gary to finish the job he was doing.
  
  
  
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  In February we found out we are dealing with two infertility obstacles.
  
  
  
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  Spent Easter with Gary's mom and sister
  
  
  
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  Work ended in May for Sam (yay!)
  
  
  
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  Sam headed to New Mexico for three weeks in June ( I had a blast!!)
  
  
  
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  Came home in July and we decided to try to concieve naturally.
  
  
  
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  Gary finished the porch!!!!
  
  
  
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  In August we spent our anniversary week in Yellowstone, we had a beautiful hotel room and had a blast!
  
  
  
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  Work started again for Sam, and a whole new set of challenges came up. But I have learned from them, so in the end hopefully I will be a wiser person(?)
  
  
  
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  October- Dr told us there was no way for us to concieve naturally :(
  
  
  
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  November - Gary turned 25 - Had an interesting Thanksgiving with Gary's family.
  
  
  
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  December - Saw an infertility Dr and he gave us hope!! (more on that in a later post). - We had a quiet Christmas morning at Garys moms house, breakfast was great! Then presents at his dads house. - Sam turned 25 (spent it in New Mexico with my wonderful family) - Happy New Year!!
  
  
  

Like I said, there were a lot of ups and downs, but overall I am so thankful for everything I have in my life, no matter what 2010 brings us, I know we can get through it.

A hard Sunday

Yesterday, I went to church with my mother-in-law. I am so thankful for her. It's super hard for me to go to church with out Gary, but he was working.

During RS someone asked me where my kids were...I wanted to say "In Heaven, waiting to come down" but I just said "I don't have any" she was certain I hadn't been to church in a while because I had a baby. I brushed it off and went on actually enjoying the lesson (weird for me cause I get bored pretty easy).

Sacrament meeting was the Primary Program, and they did an awesome job! But with every kid that went up to give his or her "talk" I wondered would I ever see my kids up there? By the end I was on the verge of tears and then they sang "Families Can Be Together Forever"...I lost it. I don't think anyone other than my mom-in-law saw though.

After sacrament an older gentleman asked me where my kids were (uh...again?) I told him I don't have any and then he said "You don't have any kids yet?" I had to tell him no, even though I wanted to say if I had a choice I would. He talked to me a little more then left. I thought my poor mom-in-law was gonna have a heart attack cause she didn't know what to say, but as always she made me laugh and I felt better.

I didn't think it would be this hard, I have actually been doing a good job convincing myself everything was just as it should be, and that I was ok with the fact that were not parents yet. Maybe I sort of am, but that was just too much for one day. I am so glad I went and in a way it really helped me see what I wanted out of life and that I need to get on a path and get there. I know that one day I'll be able to see my kid forget what he's supposed to say and sing off key over everyone else. But until that day, I just have to stay focused and trust that Heavenly Father will trust us to be parents one day, whatever way that may happen, it will happen.

Salsa!

About 2 weeks ago we decided we should do something with all the vegetables in the garden...Salsa! So we started slaving over the cutting boards and stove.

About 8 jours later, with burning hands and watery eyes we managed to crank out about 20 pints and 7 quarts. It was really worth it cause the salsa is so yummy! We left 10 pints up stairs and 4 is all thats left. I don't think we made nearly enough to last till next summer.

A little beind...

Weekend Drive

Sometime in the beginning of September we decided to venture off a dirt road on the way up to Monte Cristo I think the road was called Curtis Road (maybe) I could be totally wrong though. Anyway, After going in about 3 miles we found this place and totally fell in love with it. I attempted to take some pictures but I really need to invest in a good camera!

A day at the lake

Last Saturday we took Ben to the lake for a swim. The weather was perfect! Ben had fun, I enjoyed getting a tan, and Gary fished. He didnt catch anything, it was too early in the afternoon for the fish to be hungry. I love these little family outings we have.

Ben waiting to go get his toy

Swimming back!

His dirty, soggy toy

Gary walked out into the lake cause he didnt want to lose his lure...well it broke off in the water so he got all wet for nothing!