Yesterday, I went to church with my mother-in-law. I am so thankful for her. It's super hard for me to go to church with out Gary, but he was working.
During RS someone asked me where my kids were...I wanted to say "In Heaven, waiting to come down" but I just said "I don't have any" she was certain I hadn't been to church in a while because I had a baby. I brushed it off and went on actually enjoying the lesson (weird for me cause I get bored pretty easy).
Sacrament meeting was the Primary Program, and they did an awesome job! But with every kid that went up to give his or her "talk" I wondered would I ever see my kids up there? By the end I was on the verge of tears and then they sang "Families Can Be Together Forever"...I lost it. I don't think anyone other than my mom-in-law saw though.
After sacrament an older gentleman asked me where my kids were (uh...again?) I told him I don't have any and then he said "You don't have any kids yet?" I had to tell him no, even though I wanted to say if I had a choice I would. He talked to me a little more then left. I thought my poor mom-in-law was gonna have a heart attack cause she didn't know what to say, but as always she made me laugh and I felt better.
I didn't think it would be this hard, I have actually been doing a good job convincing myself everything was just as it should be, and that I was ok with the fact that were not parents yet. Maybe I sort of am, but that was just too much for one day. I am so glad I went and in a way it really helped me see what I wanted out of life and that I need to get on a path and get there. I know that one day I'll be able to see my kid forget what he's supposed to say and sing off key over everyone else. But until that day, I just have to stay focused and trust that Heavenly Father will trust us to be parents one day, whatever way that may happen, it will happen.
3 comments:
I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. Its so hard. I remember going through the same, exact situations. Everything is hard. Halloween, Christas, Easter. Everything!
I hope that you really believe that God knows when and how. Its so true. You may not understand now, but you will someday.
And as the years go by, and your kid is the one singing off key above every other kid, that this is where you are meant to be. It all happened for a reason, just the right way.
My thoughts and prayers are with you Sam. You will make an amazing mother! Love ya!
When you are a mom, you will be a fabulous mom, and your kids will be lucky to have you.
Sam, I wish people were born with a little more tack. I'm so sorry that your Sunday was hard. I know you will make a great Mother! I have faith that you will be blessed with a sweet baby! You are in my prayers, I think of you often. God Bless.
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