Saturday, December 17, 2011

The "H" word....Hysterectomy

You have to know that the word "Hysterectomy" makes me cringe! Maybe its cause I'm only 27 and that's something that I associate with women older than me. But that's what I will have done on January 24th, 2012! 

Yesterday we met with my surgeon who has been working very closely with my oncologist and they agreed that this would be the best course of action. My remaining ovary is growing quickly like the other one did. One option we had was just to remove the ovary but the surgeon told me that controlling my hormones with just a uterus is a nightmare and its easier to control them by having everything removed. After everything I have been through, easy sounds good to me!

The surgeon is going to try and use the Da Vinci Robot to do the surgery. Its better than laproscopic and the recovery time is cut way down! 1-3 weeks!!! It may not be possible to use the robot though because of scar tissue from my previous surgery, but he wont know until he gets in there. If he can't use the robot then he will go through the original incision and that's a 6-8 week recovery.

I have a mixture of emotions about this. I worry that I wont be considered a woman anymore, but Gary quickly squashed that by reminding me that I'm not having gender reassignment surgery, just getting some bad stuff out of that worry is gone. I'm scared that I'm going to be one of those women who (after "H" words) have a mental breakdown and go nuts. 

The strongest emotion I am feeling though is one of finality. Even though it was a long shot, there is no way we can have a miracle baby or give fertility treatments another genetic line ends with me! I guess Gary's ends with me too. 

Please don't get me wrong we are very excited to adopt have a little family but the fact that I will never have "my own" stings a little more than I thought it would. 

I know that I will get used to the idea and be grateful for what has happened. Right now my emotions are very raw and hard to comprehend. 

  I am so blessed to have everything I do have, so I feel selfish for being sad about this. I know it will pass, I'm just having a hard time coming to terms with it. 

  Check out the video of the Da Vinci Surgical System its on the right side of the page and its pretty cool!

1 comment:

Tameras2Cents said...

Sam I can not even pretend to know what this is like, I felt a sadness and finality after getting my tubes tied and I have children of my own. This has to be extremely painful and I find myself asking why God chose this for you. And then I remind myself that you are a strong and capable woman and God only gives us what we can handle. I love you so much and nothing I can say will ever make it better for you but just know I am there and God is the ultimate healer. He will bring this all together for good and heal your broken heart. All my love - Tamera