Day 4

  One more day to go!

Well to finish out this week. Then on Saturday I will get a shot called neulasta (or something like that), that shot will send out immature white blood cells from my bone marrow into my body! Apparently its a very painful 3-4 days afterwards, but I need white blood cells to fight off any infections I might be getting. So As long as we have some pain meds, hopefully we can fight off some of the pain.

 Then I will go in on Tuesday again for my benadryl, renidaline, and bleomycin infusion. That should only take about an hour to hour and a half, I am thankful for that.

My nausea has been worse today, but luckily no throwing up yet. Just a lot of dry-heaving. I have had a killer headache all day though, I'm trying to drink lots of stuff and stay up on my Tylenol, but it isn't going away.

 I was able to go out and eat (if you call picking at a meatball sandwich, eating) with some friends after chemo today, it was nice to be around people that make me smile and have a somewhat twisted sense of humor like me:0) Thank  you for my blanket and goodies, I appreciate everything so much!

 Nothing too exciting happened at the chemo clinic today, which I am thankful for. I did get to see a variety of chemo today that other people were being administered. Some were brown, and some were bright red! Kind of interesting, since the most interesting one I have sometimes foams at the top, which makes Gary say that they are flushing me out with Tide!

Blessing for the day: GinGins they are a wonderful little candy that are kinda spicy and not very sweet. They take the nausea away for a little while too, thank you GinGins for being such a big help :0)

I know that this isn't a very thoughtful blessing, but on my first day of serious nausea they really were to me.   Besos for everyone!

Day 3

  I am surprised I feel as good as I do. I'm going to take advantage of it though, while it lasts. Actually, I hope I am one of the ones that beats the odds and has minimal side effects, but even if I don't and things do get worse I will deal with each side effect as it comes. So far the medication I have been given has been taking care of the nausea pretty well. This morning was the worst for me so far, I didn't think I was going to be able to swallow my anti-nausea pill. But I did and was able to eat my yogurt and 1/2 PB&J.

  Speaking of food, I found out today that I have to try my best to not lose any weight (WTH?!?!). I thought that this would be the only pleasant side-effect I would get! But my nurse explained to me that the chemo amount and mixture is based on kilograms, so if I start losing a lot of weight, I will be getting less chemo but still have the same amount of cancer cells. Kind of a catch 22. While researching this little dilemma I found out that weight gain is also a side effect because of all the steroids I will be getting! Exercise is also important during chemo, so Gary and I have been going for walks around the block, or (since its raining today) I did 20 minutes on the Wii. I am exhausted, but at least I got that exercise in...yeah I know 20 mins isn't a lot but when I have at least 2-3 liters of poisonous chemicals in my body, that's about all I can handle.

  Things got a little scary in the chemo room today, an older gentleman was getting his chemo and after being started on a very low dose he started to get Rigors (intense shaking and cold feeling) the nurse and Dr took great care of him during this time and called the paramedics. But it broke my heart to hear him go through that. It also made things very real, I realize that I have been very lucky so far not to suffer any dramatic side effects, but it can change, depending on the day and how my body is coping. Another woman who was sitting next to me, had to go home because her platelet levels were too low, she can't have chemo until next week if her levels are OK. I quickly researched on how to keep my platelet levels up, other than eating whole foods there isn't much I can do. So I hope I'm getting enough nutrients in, I guess I need to research what kind of nutrients I'm getting in peanut butter crackers!

  We found out today that I have to pay a co-pay every time I go in for treatment or see the Dr. we weren't expecting this, but we will manage.

  Gary and I went to buy food for the boys, it makes me a little sad that my kiddos (dogs) are staying away from me, I wonder if I smell different to them, or if they just sense that I cant really touch them too much? When we got home I made the bed, tea, and cleaned out the fridge (not well, but just threw away old food). Now I'm just resting. I am tired but ancy (a steroid side effect).

  Blessing for the day: Love, its all around us. I can feel it with every ones phone calls, heart felt messages, and encouragement. Thank you.

Day 2

  I'm a little late posting about my second day.
 
  Things started out great when I got there and most of the day was pretty uneventful. Then came the test dose of the Bleomycin it was only 2 IU's. The reason there is a test dose to see if the patient has an allergic reaction (I guess lots of people do) my right cheek immediately flushed and was very hot to the touch, so then came the benadrly(sp) and renalyn (sp) drip. That knocked me out. So luckily I slept through out the entire bleo drip and didn't have to be awake to feel my cheek sear.
 
  Finally I got to go home, I decided yesterday morning I was going to cut my hair...short. So I got a short A-line bob thing, that I hate. But at least when my hair starts falling out it wont be terrible. I wont have to feel long strands of my once beautiful hair coming out in clumps. I will eventually shave it, but I'm trying to postpone that!

  People keep asking my how I feel, other than the side effects I guess I feel OK, I am sad about the whole thing, there is always a "what-if" to worry about. Mostly I feel like I'm a huge imposition on those around me. Gary is my angel and worries so much about me, but he's losing sleep and I don't like him feeling this way. I wish I could make him feel better.

I want to look for a blessing every day, even if its just a small one, and yesterdays was my nurse, Debbie, she made me smile all day and then gave me a hug at the end of my treatment, she doesn't know it, but it meant so much. So have everyone's hugs (bring 'em on!) they make me feel better :0)

Treatment Plan

  Today was my first day of chemo. It wasn't as bad as I had expected, but I hear as the treatment goes on I will feel worse. We got there at 9:00 and after our "chemo class" I was started on an anti-nausea drip, then some steroids (I think), a potassium & magnesium drip, then I got my first "chemo" which is called Cisplatnin, after that I got Etoposide, then some heparin and I was finally able to come home. We got home about 4:30 so it was a really long day. Tomorrow I get to add Bleomycin to my "cocktail". The Bleo will only be once a week on Tuesdays though, so that's a good thing.

  I will have to complete 3-4 "cycles" and a cycle is:
5 days of chemotherapy with the Bleo infusion on Tuesday. Then I get two weeks off, but I still get the Bleo every Tuesday. So this process is going to take 9-12 weeks. I will lose my hair (I'm still dealing with that issue, but I'll have to accept it eventually!). And I will have the typical nausea and fatigue side effects. The anti-nausea infusion I got today seems to be working OK. I did have to take a pill on the way home, but bright light seems to affect me, kinda like when I have a migraine, so  I don't know if my nausea on the way home was from the bright sun or just a reaction to the meds or both.

   I was finally provided with some "normal people" information about my cancer. Check out this link. Then the "kind" of sex-cord-stromal-tumor I had was the Serolli Cell Tumor My oncologist said that she has only read about 6-10 women having that particular one. Its so weird how I had almost every single one of the "Signs & Symptoms" listed.

   Even though this seems like its going to be a rough road, I am sure I will make it through and hopefully be better than ever! I hope the 3 people that read this don't mind that I will be posting more than I usually do. I want to keep a journal on how I'm feeling and what is happening in our lives during all of this.

Its so weird how fast it has affected what I want to eat and drink, and I just started this morning. I drank a Sprite and all I could taste was the carbonated water. Crackers with Peanut Butter and Pretzel sticks with Mozzarella tasted so divine! Also Lime Tootsie Rolls were delicious! I keep telling Gary I want BBQ, so we'll see if I still want some when he gets around to smoking a turkey or roast. I might just have to have him drive down to Goodwood and get me some! Orange,vanilla, and Lemon Tootsie Rolls tasted horribly sweet. I guess time will tell what I want and don't want.

  Well, I'm off to make a log of my medication cause I have a lot more now!!

Ahh updates!

So I thought I would start this off on a depressing note 

{I'm that fun of a person!}

I have ovarian cancer, its super-rare and my doctors are unsure how to treat me.

The good news now!!

I am only at stage 1! My surgery was a success. The Dr removed my right ovary/tumor which was the size of a football. I have a nice 12" incision down my belly and has given me nothing but issues, but I am glad that is my only issue after surgery. My 3 day stay in the hospital turned into a 7 day stay because I kept getting infections any place they tried to put an IV in me {and they tried lots of places}. 

My pathology stuff came back too, my lymph nodes, odentum (?), and some other stuff came back negative for cancer. 

So all were waiting on now is to talk to the chemo therapy Dr. and then she and my oncologist will discuss if I need chemo or not. It sounds like they are leaning towards yes, as a precaution. I don't want to have it but if it keeps me with my family longer then, why not? 

It has been a hard few months, and I am anxious to get this over with. The waiting is the hardest right now, I don't sleep anymore and Gary has found me zoning out a lot. I want to call it day-dreaming, but its not its more like day-nightmares, cause I can just imagine the worst (I think I get that from my Nana). 

Thanks to my mom, Garbear, and my good friend Zennetta for being awesome and helping me with everything!! I love you all and couldn't have made it through the last few months without you and your generous help.